Some time ago I wrote a post about the place to settle down, the place to live, to grow a family, the place to get old, a place called HOME and I wrote that I still haven’t found that place.
Nothing changed so far..
I do not feel myself home where I am currently living as I did not feel myself home where I used to live, with my parents, where I spent my whole life. I like moving, travelling, discovering new places, arriving and departing, roaming around the world would have been a dream for me.. and isn’t it anymore? Well, the thing is that although I am enjoying moving around, meeting new people, facing new cultures, challenging myself against the eventually most extreme situations I am indeed a social person and I cant travel alone or with the uncertainty of being alone a good part of my journey and that is my handicap for all these dreams of discovering the world!
I enjoyed so much the times where I left home with no plan where to go, got my car, a good CD playing and drove for hours.. only me and the road and the landscapes and the wind coming through the window, very lonely, on the mood to revise my life, my plans and my fantasies but it only made sense because I could quickly go back home. I am not sure whether I could do it for real, with no turning back for a long time... I couldn’t stay like that forever, I always had to go back to the "reality", to my friends and people, to my life, those moments became just like silent screams same effect whether you go on the top of a hill and scream; that makes one feel so free!
That sort of fantasy of going around the world, driving with no destiny, flying to an uncertain part of the earth; this will never happen. I cant do it alone and that is not something to do with someone. There’s a lot of contradiction, but that is a bit of me again and dreams not always have to be true!
There are dreams one rises in his head that are absolutely incompatible and they cant happen together, its an option of one or another and that’s the same here! Rather stay home than go roaming, or go roaming rather than stay home? Both would apparently make me happy but both have consequences and to me the first seems a lot more comfortable. Human tend to chose the easy ones, isn’t it? I am so human!
On the other hand I just think that my choice makes me mentally fairly healthy then I will not probably go roaming around the world, I will stay wondering how it could have been, that will make me happy because at the end of the day I am closed to the ones I do love and that’s is beautifull.
Unfortunately I end up coming a little further that I would like to be but I know it is close enough to be back for any special event or a simple hello.
And this is a post mainly for those who may be afraid of me going further in the future and not returning and to those who like to have me near by :)
However for the memory of those times where I would be roaming, one of my favourite songs:
No comments:
Post a Comment