End of the road?

My viva is in two days. Viva is the name of the PhD thesis's defence in the UK. I feel almost relieved but at the same time terrified. I wish I did not have to do this, but I guess this is the only way to finally accomplish what I have being working on for 4 years!! So I cannot wait! it is a big FINALLY! If I am successful, in two days time I am going to feel so free! My PhD has been kind of a torture, a true nightmare... I think most people would say the same, at least most people I know are unhappy and frustrated with their PhD's, but why is that? In my case there are many many reasons.. I think almost everything that can go wrong with a PhD did happen to me! Lets see... Changing projects because first project was no longer funded, waiting a couple of months to know whether there would be any funding at all to continue whatever alternative project... first supervisor and second supervisor broke up and I was left with just the first supervisor. Then, first and only supervisor disappears for a few months and I'm left with no supervisor at all. Later, first supervisor returns but refuses to give proper supervision saying he does not "believe" in it(weird..) .. This means: no training, no monthly meetings, no thesis planing, no planing at all.. He would see me if I had a result to show him and that is it! At this stage I should have mentioned already that I was in a lab surrounded by germans who spoke german all the time around me (including my supervisor).. I felt lonely and apart, without understanding what was going on for the majority of the time. No support, no help, no friends. The only non german speaker, apart from myself, was a technician (poor him), who eventually left after becoming depressed... guess why? Then ok, surviving all of this, I still had to fight against a crazy radiation inspector who hates my supervisor and who therefore decided he could seek some sort of revenge by messing up with me. He unfairly accused me of wrongdoing, a matter that triggered a total mess, starting with a formal complaint, followed by unlimited meetings with all sort of people in the school, professors, technicians, head of school, then students's Union.. After a couple of months everything eventually ended and I was back to work.. work, but with some bullshit supervision, no collaborations, no friendly lab mates.. hard methods, no one to teach, show, explain. I had to learn everything on my own, sometimes by trial and error, spending nights in the lab, weekends in the lab. Stuff eventually worked out, got some interesting results. Time to put it together in a thesis but run out of funding! At that time, bloody supervisor who was suppose to cover for my expenses, but did not, said I could not finish! Although I had no money and therefore no time. Worked for 4 more months without a penny, got more results and told stupid supervisor I wanted to finish. He did not agree, I run away.. went to Portugal, wrote the thesis, came back, gave it to stupid supervisor who eventually skimmed through and guess what? He did not like the structure! Of course! We never discussed the structure before, ever! We never discussed anything related to my thesis ever! Stupid supervisor gave me his comments, I followed his advice.. at this point I just wanted to get rid of anything related to the PhD, so best do everything he wanted as long as that accelerates the process... But, surprise surprise, gave him the second version following his advice but again he did not like it! Yet, it was now based on his advice!! He said he had changed his mind.. Bullocks! therefore do it again! Third time writing my thesis up while still being asked to come to the lab because of course one cannot just write up a thesis full time.. there are experiments to run!! At this point I felt desperate, I was being used and abused. Without payment I was forced to come to the lab to keep my supervisor happy such that he would eventually read my thesis and give me corrections. But obviously he was delaying it, such that I would come to the lab more and more... it was insane. At a point he asked me to write a paper, a book chapter that was more than overdue. Out of desperation I said I could help, thinking ok, lets keep this guy happy. At the same time I asked and begged him to please read my thesis because I was struggling to live like this.. no money, no time, no sleep, no eating, feeling distressed and aggravated, trying to cope with everything. Plus the pressure at home to have my PhD finished and move on with my life which was the obvious thing to do! Got depressed. Yet did not give up. Wrote the book chapter, did the experiments and eventually got my thesis mostly corrected with some exceptions. It came to a point I could not take it any longer. My sanity was at risk, my health was severely jeopardized by all the stress.. it had been a year with no money, working night and day.. days in the lab, nights at the computer writing and reading.. lost 8Kg, my face was like a zombie's face. I could barely stand up, no strength in my legs, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Decision made: hand in the thesis; tell supervisor to piss off! No second supervisor to ask for help, eventually got some support from a colleague and some other academics who could see it... supervisor went nuts with my attitude and is seeking revenge... kicked my name out of the book chapter I had devoted time to write: I filed a complaint against him. Rumour has that he is currently willing to destroy me. I do not know how, we do not talk, but I know he is mad and evil. I just want to get this done. I think I can tell that this means more than anything now. Good news are that I got a job, the job I wanted! Thus I just really have to pass the viva after tomorrow and everything will hopefully go back to normality I can go back to my real self. In hindsight I know today that I should have quit my PhD right at the beginning when I sensed all of this. I knew it! I truly did, but somewhat there was something in me that did not let me quit.. I think I always believed I would be strong enough to make it through, was I? I will tell you later ;)

There it snows..

Did I tell you I love snow? I do! And being portuguese I have always been sorry not to have snow over winter. I am also a ski fanatic, and I love more or less everything related to snow. Besides my critics to Nottingham, and England, I must say that I am happy now that the snow arrived, and although it is quite unusual, there's loads of snow in Nottingham right now, and has being snowing beautifully!!! Two days ago I went to the movies and when returning home I was presented with very nice, fluffy big snow puffs falling from the skies, it was like a dream or a fairy tail!

I took some pictures with my phone, they are not brilliant and they dont really show the magic moment, but they certainly show my happiness like a little young girl :)) (and they show my awesome boyfriend too :))

Empty mind

I have been so busy recently that I forgot about the blog. It is not the first time.. from time to time I forget it.. sometimes I feel like writing and sometimes not. but I never feel the obligation to do it.. basically I have been quite moody and only focus on my work. Two weeks ago I finished my thesis plan, very detailed and now I only have to fill in the gaps.. meaning the text, the figures and everything essentially... I am feeling so much pressure that I can barely relax.. and though there are so many things running in my head at a time that I feel empty.. I feel mostly like a robot would feel.. if it would feel.. Just doing the tasks and ticking the boxes in a robotic concerted manner.. no distractions .. no fun.. just work work work... I don't feel human.. its sick. The worst is I know that some of the work I am doing is not necessary but I decided I want to do it, I decided that before and now I cant let it go.. I have to do it, no matter what.. There is something insane about me now. When I try to see ahead I know the time is too short for what I wish to do, but I try to avoid that fact  and just work more to get more done.. and then there are also so many things I end up repeating because they dont look like they should!! So insane.. I feel that if, by chance, I decide to do this kind of job in the future I will be very unhappy. Somehow it is very addicting, too addicting for me to do other things, to have a life basically! I want to have a life, I want to go home, and still have some energy for my family, or still be able to talk to a friend, to cook dinner and to watch a bit of TV eventually! This is no life.. And there is worse.. I just talked to a friend who just finished writing up a diploma thesis, and shared the experience of writing... so destructive! so I know that from today on it will be more and more destructive.. I want to stop this.. I hope I remember to read this, one day things are over and happy again, and I do not do the mistake of starting it over again! This is a reminder for myself and for you too!! Don't work too much, it makes life go so fast and although you may first denied it, with time, you will hate knowing that the time is gone and you forgot to live it!

How to enjoy your research?

Or how to enjoy your academic research?
Does anybody know the answer to this question?


Personally I googled it, and unlike the usual google wasn't able to give me an answer!!! This never happened before! However, I am not totally surprised that there are no answers to this question. There are certainly many tips on how to enjoy your job and work and those can be used for academic research but they are common sense tips and motivators that do not simply respond to the question!


I know my today's post topic goes back to the recurrent topic of my life.. my research and my PhD. I feel particularly sad today. After a lot of effort and time spent to get some results, there are things that simply don't work..This is, as one can imagine, very frustrating, when you plan everything, spend hours putting a lot of effort, work after hours and over the weekends and in the end there is no result meaning that all that effort was in vain.. No one cares about negative results, that cannot be published and cannot figure in a PhD thesis, so upon failure one feels that has to catch up with the time "lost" which was the time spent working a lot but resulting in nothing, and the story repeats over and over again. I cannot enjoy this! How to enjoy this?


When I left the lab today I roamed through the corridors got to the lift then went back to the lab again to check on my cells (I am a bit worried with a cell line I bought yesterday, costed almost £600 and I am afraid to death they die before I freeze them). Then I left the lab again and again roamed towards the lifts and, as usual, stared a bit at the scientific posters on the walls.. Some of them aren't good or pretty or promising or interesting but regardless of that I always wonder how much time and effort (and money) was spent to do the research that's presented there..

The fact is I just can't see the light right now, or there's no shine in the dark for me now when it comes to research (or perhaps there should be). One day there is one thing that works just fine sooner followed by a set of frustrations... and that's the vicious cycle of research, I cannot see any amusement there!
Not to mention that (quite obviously actually) , there are people that, possibly under despair, fabricate data and publish fake results in order to move on, get funded and successful, and I don't know, but I guess sometimes it must be really complicated...


I guess I was just not born for this. I am a very hard worker and I usually enjoy working a lot, having results, achieving something, I like getting compliments for my effort and so on and so on.. With research I just feel that I am in a battle with myself everyday, testing how many hours I can work in a row without collapsing in order to compensate for the frustrations. I end up doing several additional less relevant experiments that I know they work fine mixed in between the tricky ones to cope with the disappointment  (its like giving myself a carrot, although I already know that..).. And if in the end I would at least offer something great to the world... but no, I know that my contribution to the universal knowledge is smaller than a sand grain. It is sad but it is just a purely academic dissertation about a very academic topic with inexistent applicability to the humanity..

However, if you know the answer for my question, please tell me, I can't hold it much longer...

Sailing for life

Hello everyone,
There is always a big gap between my posts and I really dont like it. When I started this blog was because I had the will to write and the pleasure of course. However, with time part of that pleasure vanished mostly due to my routine (crazy as very very busy, focus on my bloody PhD, which is killing me, I just want to see the end of it.. and although I see it, because I have to, as I am almost running out of funding, and I know I have to finish, bla bla bla, it almost seems impossible to do it.. its a truly nightmare, and perhaps I wish I would have never decided to do it.. but the thing is.. I still do not know what I want to do for living.. I really mean it, I dont know what I want to do to support my life financially, there is nothing appealing around me, and I get frequently bored of any task or job, as it seems that as soon as I handle it - what happens very fast - it loses interest - its like a bit of a challenge in the first day, then I learn, specialize, master it and then.. its boring.. and now I may have to finish this parentheses to come to the topic of today.. which is in line with what I just said though :P)

OK so given the situation I think I found a really nice and exciting challenge that will keep me busy and happy, and eventually I may be able to turn it to a profitable business and live from it:

A while ago my boyfriend Pedro came out with this idea of sailing.. mostly (I believe) because we are in England and having a boat just sounds perfect as the sweetest escape out of the country back to our dearest Portugal. I fantasised many times us waving goodbye from the boat in incredible excitement and happiness with our mission accomplished and with our diplomas from our PhDs towards a brand new awesome prosperous life back home (ideally).

However, and although this idea still sounds great to me, I thought that having a boat could give us a lot more, and after us being wondering and dreaming about many possible sailing trips there was A one trip that could JUST really fulfil my adrenaline addiction and challenge hunting dependence - the ultimate challenge that someone possessing a boat could think of: CIRCUMNAVIGATE THE WORLD obviously!

.. And that is the plan.. Step-by-step the plan is becoming true, and since me and Pedro just had idea a relatively short time ago, everything is still in the beginning. We have so much to do.. obviously we need to learn how to sail, and we are starting that in January, already got enrolled for the day-skipper course, next we have to take an open see cruiser course, and eventually a third one, we are looking for a decent affordable sailing boat, and we frequently read and search for information on the topic. Right now one of our major issues is the budget...

Very recently Pedro added some adverts to his blog http://towardsnothing.blogspot.com/
we know it is not going to buy us the boat but any little helps, so if you like the idea (or you're simply nice to us), you could just go there and click in one of the advertising links ;))

As for the record I feel that this challenge will change my life forever and hopefully will make it better, brighter and more exciting :)) So that is why I am going to sail for life.

PS: I am also currently looking for some kind of spounsership.. we have a few plans to generate money and attract investment but if by any chance you would like to embrace this dream - or you know of who would like to -  please help us, donations, suggestions and basically any recommendations are very welcome!  

PhD Advice, possibly the best advice one can get before starting a PhD

I decided to write about this topic now that have some experience in the matter. I started this blog more or less a few months after started my PhD and now I am on my third year, so roughly 2 years are gone.

Over these two years many things happened, good and bad things, and obviously I have been realizing that I added a lot of knowledge not at the academic level alone but I am talking about living experience knowledge. This post will be all about life experience and almost nothing about the scientific content of my PhD, although it quite annoys me too...

Basically I wish I was aware of certain things I am now before I decided to start this PhD, and I hope that if you are reading this and considering doing PhD you will remember my advice :) or otherwise do not complain! ;)

First rule: Get to know your group first! This is so important, and I have been told about that, but for one reason or another I ended up forgetting to know more about the group I was going to be part of. It is really important that you like the group where you work, remember you will be there at least 3 years, the whole day, sometimes 7 days per week, you will possibly need to ask for help or one or two favours, you will be pleased to have colleagues that help you, that you identify yourself with, that you can hang out with, even if they are not or will never be your best friends, you will like to talk to them and enjoy the conversation. Remember that your supervisor must be a nice guy, in the end everything goes down to him, and he will be the responsible for you and your work, so your supervisor must be the guy that you will never feel angry with or have any problems.

So, to know the group is even more important than the subject of your PhD (actually the subject is not very important but I will come to that later). It is more important than the institution, it is more important than the place in the world. I believe that to feel happy at work with the people around it is already a very good help to get the work properly done, because you enjoy to be there, and best is when people work as a team and not like a bunch of selfish guys trying to see you is better like in a race where in the end things do not work and one feels very unhappy.

So do not forget, try to spend some time in a lab before you decide to stay there for you PhD, then you can make sure you are in the right place :))

Second rule: Supervisor success! I already said that the supervisor must be a nice guy, which is absolutely fundamental, you may not believe but that are really freaking supervisors around that can make your life a real nightmare, so be aware! Next important thing about your supervisor is he's rate of success at several levels but most importantly with publications. This is something very easy to track down, as in www.pubmed.com you can search for your potential supervisor's name and see which publications does he or she have. Be careful!! Sometimes there are people with the same name, so a quick look may make you overlook things, make sure the publications are all from the same person by for example checking the institution and the other people in the paper you will be able to track down who is working with etc... Obviously if your potential supervisor has been publishing like crazy in really good journals it is very likely that your project is going to be a success and you will probably enjoy it (but do not forget to check if the guy is nice.. it can be that he is a rubbish bastard scientist that slaves everyone in the lab to get all those papers out). By checking advisor's publications you will also be more aware of the work that is done in the lab, the techniques and methods in use, animal work and so on, so be sure that you don't chose a group that does something you are against or do not enjoy at all. Also very important is to know how many PhD students your supervisor had so far and if they all were ok, passed and published (in case there was a failure I would never go there, but that's just me)!

Third rule: Meeting with the boss! The meetings with your supervisor are very important moments of your PhD, so this advice is more for post-PhD beginning, but I decide to include it here because it is very very important. First, PhD students always think that the supervisor is watching them, or is thinking that they are not good enough maybe a bit stupid, basically in the beginning we all feel a bit overwhelmed by our supervisors, but everything we think is a myth and sooner or later we realize that... In fact our supervisors do not care that much about us.. and that's a problem because they do not remember what we discussed before, for example in the previous meeting, etc.. so meeting with your supervisor should be something very natural. please always feel or try to feel very confident when you talk to your boss, that will make you believable and you advisor will have a great (very temporary) impression of you, and probably will trust you sooner (meaning totally forget about you, which has the pro of at least you dont feel stupid anymore but the cons that you will have to run after your supervisor to have a meeting with him, otherwise he will never come to you). Most importantly, do not disregard these meetings as they are a confirmation of your success (hopefully), and usually your supervisor will guide you (if he is good) and give you ideas and tips that otherwise you would take a very long time to figure that out, and time is quite precious as it runs so fast..

Forth rule: Number of people around you! It sounds like what? but it is quite important that you are not isolated but also that you are not in a crowd all the time, so the amount of people you work with in a daily basis must be something balanced, so great enough for you to have choice, choice of friends, not to feel alone, it also helps to cope with the peer pressure, enough people to compare results with and to entertain the supervisor. On the other hand it is convenient that there are not too many people which could shadow you, or that your supervisor will be so busy taking care of them all that he will not have time for you.

Fifth rule: Institution/place in the world: Well this advice is very general, in fact the best place in the world is where you feel good, but you dont know before you stay there, so it is difficult to predict. Sometimes the most appellative place turns to be horrifying and vice versa, so here it will be very random and thats why the group is so important, because no matter where you are, if you are surrounded by the right people and nice people you will always be alright and feel good :) The institution matters a bit in terms of career for the future, so I would always look for the best ranked institutions first.

And there are some literature about it that you may want to read:

http://www.phdcomics.com/comics.php gives you an idea of how painful can this life be

How to get a PhD : a handbook for students and their supervisors / Estelle M. Phillips and Derek S. - gives you an extensive list of tips and advice on this topic.

Good luck and remember to be sure before you start, because then you commit to a three year nightmare or spend time till you decide to give up and start again or change your life. Nonetheless I can promise you it is not going to be easy even if you take all the advice possible!

Where am I going this Friday?

Yes I am going to fly.
Yes I am going out.
Yes I am going to be happy.
Yes I am going to be home.





A to B and B to C followed by :D and yeahh and wiiii and ohhhh (Pedro!!) but wii again ;)

25 !

This post is a bit delayed because although its called 25 and today is actually the 25th this post belongs to the 23rd when I celebrated 25 years of existence (understood?!)..

Back on the 23rd, I felt very moody in the beginning but end up reasonably well. I woke up sick and tired feeling like staying in bed mourning the whole day. Physically sick, my stomach was terrible, my head dizzy and heavy, I was so depressed with being 25 that I was more in the mood of non celebration and avoid the confront with happy people saying happy birthday, like there was any reason to be happy about it...
Fortunately for the sake of me and everyone around me this mood was temporary (not as much as I would like too unfortunately though) but by the late afternoon (after two beers I may say) I stop being miserable and become happy :)

Pedro said something very true that I want to cite:
"the 25 is the best age because one is not to young so that is taking serious by everybody but also not too old to not have the excuse to misbehave a little bit ;)"

I do not only agree as I feel it and thats the real reason why I got so sad because I know, I can feel that I am currently living the best time of my life at least the most funniest one where I have got enough responsability to hold up an adult life but I still feel somehow protected by my parents as when I was younger or I feel I can still go out to every club and drink a lot and dance and party, nobody relies on me, life tastes too good, I feel that I am too passionate to my own life, therefore I just want to make sure that it is going to last forever (and I know it wont!!!) so thats my worries coming then... On the other hand all the wise elder people say that all the ages have their good points so I am hopeful that it is going to be all fun and one thing I am pretty sure is I will always try to get the most out of everything :)

Have fun, I do!

Mathematical Modelling of Transcription Factors in Living Cells

or
How the mathematicians and the engineers meet the biologists

The subject of today involves a bit of my PhD's ideas and the one bit I am trying to work in at the moment (Although not too focused because I am doing the other bits too). I think generally speaking the title of this post sounds already a bit complicated but we are talking about PhD topics and subjects so there is no way to overcome complexity, the simple things are out there for everyone, the complex things are ignored by the most of you and deeply interesting to some of us. That’s not entirely my case though! I mean, I am slightly interested on them, but sometimes I just want to move over this and get a more simple life (I think I read it somewhere some time ago.. by that time I didnt quite understand it but every day that passes it sounds more and more familiar, so I already feel it too... it is unavoidable..) It appears that unless one is mental depressed and compromised he cannot enjoy this sort of life forever at least without questioning it (and I guess that may be part of the geniality of all this).
Ok, but regardless of my feelings I came out with this topic because I think it is interesting the way we can apply maths to explain how life works and on top of that there is not much being done in the area, just 2, maximum 3 groups in the world do something similar to this. Thought this is not my whole PhD, I couldnt just do that, but I will present a nice model (hopefully) and I think it will look pretty nice in my thesis..

Well I said hopefully because (maybe obviously) I still didnt solve the model but just some parcels, which is ok, nevertheless I need to solve the model.

Thats where I regret that my mathematics and physics knowledge is not very extensive so therefore I regret once again I didnt undertake the engineering degree :(
Some are medical frustrated, I am an engineer frustrated I am afraid... lol
On the plus side my boyfriend is an engineer and he is giving me a hand with the model, so thats where the biologist meet the engineers.. and this meeting is more than a meeting I hope, and it is genial ;)

So now I think with this precious help I am on the way to finish it and before I forgot I take the change to already acknowledge Pedro for his help ;) and once I finish this I will, I think, also publish something about it in a very practical and straightforward manner very different than what is in the literature I have been reading where one has to go through very complicated equations and protocols in order to maybe use a few of them applied to this sort of cases, it is not very clear how to do that and so on, basically I think the disciplines used to be too apart and they need to converge into a point, people need to work together!

Just to finish with my topic of today I leave a song that apparently represents me in a way, could be my song, it is one of many.. :)

Change everything you are
And everything you were
Your number has been called

Fights and battles have begun
Revenge will surely come
Your hard times are ahead

Best, you've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now

Change everything you are
And everything you were
Your number has been called

Fights and battles have begun
Revenge will surely come
Your hard times are ahead

Best, you've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now

Don’t let yourself down
And don’t let yourself go
Your last chance has arrived

Best, you've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now

Pips go auctions?!

I have to share my experience of today's morning when me and Pedro decided to go to an auction here in Nottingham, but in the most dodgy area of Nottingham, by the way.. I havent been to an auction before, until today the closest thing to an auction I saw was the bids on ebay.. lolol so obviously I was not familiar with that at all, and thats why I probably went there, more in response to my curiosity than just to buy something. In fact I didnt spent a cent in there... but I am quite sure I could have done good business today, the offers are great, I should go back there with more time, like the whole day off!

Basically, after 10 minutes at Cripps health centre in the university, to take the stitches out of my forehead (consequence of my last trip to the snow), me and Pedro took a taxi to this place called John Pye Auctions in Radford. I got to know that through a friend that bought there a tv set some time ago but that place is apparently very popular, busy and known such that as soon as we got there it was full of people.

Before the auction starts people can look around the stocks. The reason why I went was to buy a tv, an LCD tv to put in our very nice living room. Basically we feel a bit poor with all the money we spent recently so any bargain is welcome! Nevertheless our budget was too low...

From the stocks we got interested in 7 or 8 LCDs. As soon as the auction started,
(late! I was really surprised!) we realized that we were surrounded by very strange people (actually I realized that as soon as we arrived but both of us just commented on that while sitting waiting for the bids to start). Mostly everyone was there purely for business reasons rather than buying for personal use, therefore everyone was very professional when bidding and we were like tw0 UFOs there..

And that was it, "our" LCDs were sold for about £200 and we didnt want to pay more than £100.. pity we still dont have the tv but I think we will just buy a new one sooner or later.

We keep the experience of being in an auction, real one, with that guy speaking out loud the prices and everyone seems to be hidden while bidding, I could actually hardly see who was bidding.. the gestures were too smooth.. like they were a bit embarrassed for being there! Like they felt they were committing a crime.. and there were those people on the phone, bidding for someone even more hidden... and there were those people that bought a lot of stuff, clearly they have a big business buying there to sell somewhere else..

Oh well, I should go back there one day, perhaps I could do a fortune out of it, but I am too afraid of high investment.. so back on my PhD life everything is calm and fine, I feel lazy today, I didnt want to come but ... thats life...
I feel I should get more fun :)

Snow trip part I

Hi everyone,

first of all my apologies for disappearing for such a long time, but first was the troubles with the moving into my new place together with the last days before going on holiday, you know to go on holiday means to leave a lot of work done and things organized such that my absence will not be that much noticed.. and that didnt give me time to post here and say goodbye before leaving on holiday. I didnt even told most of the people I know that I was going on holiday.. Anyway holiday was the main cause of my absence for such a long time. One of the most important things about this holiday was that it was my birthday present, a bit early but very convenient, my awesome great boyfriend offer me this lovely amazing time and I am really deeply thankful!

Picture of us as a tribute (I love you :))

DETAILS: The holiday was spent in France, in the Pyrenees, most precisely in Saint Lary soulain and it was awesome, as you might already be thinking I went skiing and I found it genial!! I am so sorry that just with 24 I found my favourite sportive activity and I am even more sorry that it is very restrictive, since, for obvious reasons it cannot be done in a regular basis.. Never mind, that musT be the reason why I liked it so much, you know, or you must know that I am not a sportive person at all, therefore this is my sport! Thrilling as I like (I love emotions and adrenaline, I am sort of addicted to it), and I love mountains therefore this combination could not be more perfect! It is awesome!

Map of my location:

Map of the trails

Click to enlarge

I called this post the part I because I am still missing the photos and the videos so I will come back to this topic soon, nevertheless I wanted to say hello to the readers and up date to the latest news :)

As I said this was my first time skiing ever so it was the real adventure, since standing up in the skis to come down the hill without falling over or crushing with other people everything was challenging! This sport demands a lot of energy, to be fit helps a lot and whether you did some skating in the past it also helps! I didnt have much problems learning how to ski, but I found myself very exhausted and I have a lot of muscle aches coming for muscles that I didnt even know they existed! In the end it appeared that I am apparently skilled for skiing, I managed to evolved quite fast, but I think that was probably because I was forced to go into the blue slopes before I even tasted the greens! After all I feel I am quite brave!

Unfortunately almost in the end I had a little accident that gave me a little trouble, basically cut my forehead by crushing with a friend (the story is a little bit more complicated, but I will detail it later one day)... I am good now, just a few stitches but its fine ;)

Little tip for skiing: I found that if I was listening to music while coming down the hill my performance was 10 times improved because I was feeling much more confident!

And there you go my favourite. That made part of my skiing soundtrack! It was so much fun!!!




And at last I am settling down in Nottingham, so it means parties are coming!! Get ready, I will announce soon :)))

One year of PhD life and a funny song

I did not have time to write this post yesterday but the 3rd of March deserves some attention and since my blog is somehow based on my PhD experience and life and could not forget this topic.

Indeed, yesterday I completed one year of PhD life. 365 days ago I moved from Portugal, most precisely from Almada to Nottingham to do a PhD in the University of Nottingham, School of Biomedical Sciences. Since then, a lot of things changed, I changed, but most of the things changed for better and I cannot deny I am very happy here and happy with my "job". Of course, as I am always complaining, this is not easy life but it has its rewards! I love science, I am passionate with discoveries and I like to work. Additionally, I have got a very nice life (dont get jealous ;)) ), now with my very nice new home, it is so comfortable and me and Pedro we are making it really nice and beautiful. I have holidays planned, I am going to skiing in two weeks, and I have got the perfect man, I am so happy :)))

Of course nothing is entirely perfect, I miss my parents and family and sometimes I feel really sad I cant hug them or my friends in Portugal, I miss our coffee times, our nights out, our funny moments or even the most serious ones..

But after all it seems that is being worth the effort!!


Not directly related to my sentimental-like post I leave this video below, just for fun and the sake of science showing that it can be funny too ;)



And thanks to Cati, that actually posted this video in the BCM communal blog: Sexy Hotte!

Latest treatment for overstressed people

Since my latest days have been really painful for the reasons stated in my last post (house hunting if you are not reading my blog), and since basically if I dont get a positive answer today or tomorrow I will be homeless soon (in two days), and since I am a PhD student, a scientist, and I enjoy developing new methods aka inventing stuff, creating, put my imagination to work, bla bla bla, I just recently developed an instantaneous formula to finish the stress of a working day by combining yoga, selfservice massage and high tech in light and power generation!



In my personal opinion the results were quite good and overcame the expectancies!! I personally recommend this treatment invented by myself ;))

To wait or not to wait (although the last option is not an option)

How horrible is the act of waiting???
To wait is like something is already set up, everything is ready for it but it doesn't happen due to one or some certain circumstances that need the time to pass.. that's the WAITING TIME..
The WAITING time is very subjective of course but it is usually very painful either for good or for bad. It is an assumption that inevitably something is going to happen after a certain time subsequently it just enhances the expectancies of the person who waits..

Examples from the quotidian:
I feel hungry at 12:00 but the lunch break is set for 1pm. Have to wait for the lunch time. The stomach aches, the head is felling dizzy, sick, I am so hungry that I cant work anyway.. But I have to WAIT!
Queue for the tilt in the supermarket.. thats fair enough but if it is too long?
Wait for the exam.. driving exam, any exam.. its like an exam is going to be done after a certain time.. but most of the times would be just better to do it straight away instead of counting down the days and get more and more nervous and anxious.

there are so many things we have to wait for everyday.. wait for the bus! thats one of the worst for me specially because in the morning the bus is always late and there are periods, long periods, of waiting time, thats wasting time..

Prisoner is waiting for he's dead sentence.. that must be very hard waiting time, in this case I reckon he would rather wait forever but if that is going to happen anyway maybe it would be quicker the better.

But why all this speech?? Because I had to introduce the topic that is most present in my mind and life at the moment!

Basically in the end of January/beginning of February I started looking for a new place to move in, I wrote a post (here) about it as well. That means that since then I am WAITING to get a new home and move there and start my life there, get use to it, make it look nice and comfortable and like a really nice home.. That was almost one month ago when I chose the place to live, paid a massive amount of money just to reserve it and I am currently still waiting to get in there!! Can you believe this? Remember my post about the shoes and Amazon and the incompetency of certain human beings (check it out)... its just again the same thing I think. I think one again I am confronted with another bunch of incompetents crossing my way of being happy... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, that's so irritating! Its like, I am just renting a flat, ok? I am not buying anything. I am renting a little 1 bedroom apartment for a miserable amount of money (it is not cheap but I cant imagine if I would be renting a house with a few rooms or simply buying one...).. The agency advertises that this should take three day and eventually going up to one week.. But no, that's a lie!

And now you wonder that maybe I screwed up with my documents like I didnt get them all the information, or something like that. That's not true, everything is fine and right from my side since the beginning of the month, but still waiting! This waiting time is very very painful, like any waiting time of course, but this was something I wished so much, I want so much and is being delayed God knows why!
It is so annoying... but I have to be patient, thats what everyone would tell me and what comes to my mind just like a way to be civilized and not to go straight to the agency and start shouting and eventually biting them up... That's actually how I feel..

And thats it, I keep waiting with the hope in my hands that is is gonna be sorted soon and then I will show you my little beautiful Aquarium ;)))

Twilight

I actually didn't post anything about valentine's day, what is actually a shame because it was awesome! I am not going into detail, of course, but thanks to my awesome boyfriend I got a very nice time, as always, but we did some special stuff for that day and I got some presents :)

One was an incredible massive bunch of flowers, beautiful, awesome, that still lasts beautifully in my room; another present was what gives title to this post, three books, the Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer.

We had watched the movie some time ago during our holiday in Portugal, and I loved it and loved the story. I quite fancy vampire stories and the romance is very enchantingly beautiful. I became very curious about the books and the story that doesnt end in the movie giving space for a few more.

Therefore, Pedro took my wish for reading as an idea for a present and bought me the Twilight and other two, the new moon and the eclipse. The Twilight is now 10 cm from me, I am reading it and enjoying very much, reads very well, I'm reading english version, the story is great but not much added to what I saw in the screen. I want to finish this and go reading the others, they must be good.

Love story for an in love person, a hidden and shy romantic girl (blush).

The sad story of a pair of trainers and the incompetency of certain human beings

Once upon the time…

…The story I am going to tell you is a true story. It is almost unbelievable how could a pair of shoes be so desired and then so difficult to get rid of...

And the story begins...


Filipa and Pedro were talking about Pedro buying some trainers since his "collection" was getting old. Suddenly they thought there were those trainers with rollers, called Heelys, very appreciated amongst the kids and all generations I think, with an exception for the very old ones, I hope, but everyone knows what I am talking about, trainers with rollers, really nice to slide on a mall's floor or here in my department they would just work perfectly!

Me and Pedro we got quite excited about getting some shoes like that, for both, but since they are expensive I decided to offer Pedro a pair as a present for him being so nice; and because I didn’t get him many Xmas presents ;)

So I told Pedro I was gonna buy the shoes, we did some internet checking for him to decide which ones look better, we went for some black ones (very expected, Pedro wears in darkish colours usually)..
So I knew what to do.

Next day I came to work and went to the Amazon’s web site to buy the shoes, they had them in a few sizes and I got the size 8 (Pedro's size), paid and ordered. And it is here where the shoes' story begins.... the funny part!

Ok, as usual, Amazon works quite well, so in 2 or 3 days the shoes arrived, free of charged, very nice though. I decided to get them from Amazon because any shop I know so far here wouldn't have adult Heelys therefore I could only get them from Amazon or eventually from the Heelys web site. Moreover, I did order some stuff from Amazon before, like Pedro did and we have good impression from them besides Pedro had to return things before and it worked out fine for him. Thus, I thought Amazon would be, and I still think it is, the most reliable source for these sort of things (read unusual things).
Resuming.. The shoes arrived and Pedro tried them up, but unfortunately they didn’t fit him. Apparently the size 8 on those shoes is shorter than usual, so they were too small. Ok, decision was immediately made, the shoes had to be returned..

I haven’t returned any item before, so I didn’t know how it would be, I had to go to Amazon's web site and read the returning policies, and that was what I did the next morning when I got to work..

Amazon works with DHL for retuning purposes, I did work with DHL before too and everything was fine so I thought that was good to have DHL to do that. However, it happened that DHL works differently for different costumers..
So, as an Amazon costumer I couldn’t ring them to arrange the date for collection, I had to do it online by filling out a form and giving them an address and a date. Because I work in a quite complicated building (it is a hospital) I thought that would be better to ask them to go to my home. Pedro told me once, they would come in the morning almost for sure so I thought that wouldn’t be a problem to stay at home during the morning and wait.

On the arranged date, I stayed at home waiting for them.. the day passed and nobody showed up so far. The DHL people didn’t come, I rang them, 2 or 3 times during the day but I have been told that there is no costumer service for Amazon returning services and I just had to wait and wait and wait. The last time I rang them up, that was after 5pm, so after the time they were expected to come to me, and just by that time, never before, someone told me that the DHL driver had come by 11am!! I can promise you that no one came and knocked the door at all!! From their side no one said I was wrong, what makes me think that it happens that sometimes they don’t come but say they do, and in the end I just had to arrange another date... Of course I got very pissed off with both Amazon and DHL they made me stay at home the whole day, even doing some work but still very unpleasant to be waiting for nothing..

At this stage I already knew this was gonna be a complicated story..

And the shoes were still sitting there, waiting for some attention.. something to happen...

No chance to stay another day at home waiting, I thought, so I had to make them come to my working place. I had people collecting items from my lab before, but that’s true they rang me before asking for instructions how to get here. I wrote an email to DHL asking them to pick up the trainers from my work and additionally I left them some clues how to get here and not to get lost. I came to work with the trainers, asked everyone in the lab to be attentive on someone from DHL looking for me and told them the story too... (embarrassing)

Another day passed and no one came again... This time I wasn’t so pissed off since I didnt even realize the time passing as usually when I am working but still, when the day was done and I realized the trainers were still there, sitting in one of my lab’s chairs, waiting for me to take them home again, or to do something about them, that made me cry, grrrrrrrrrrr!! that’s irritating, bloody hell!

Ok, I went home took the trainers back again, understood that no one would ever come to fetch them and I would have to look for an alternative way of getting rid of them. Pedro suggested calling Amazon on their costumer call centre asking for help.

That was then the most logic thing to do.. Next day, and notice that since the trainers arrived has now been more than 2 weeks, trying to arrange dates for collection and bla bla bla, and the trainers were still there..

Ok, so I rang Amazon on the next morning, fortunately their call centre works pretty well didn’t get on hold for a long waiting time, and the person who I talked to seemed very useful. I told them my story and the problems with getting DHL to collect the trainers and they said that would be ok to go to the post office and send them back to them just by telling the post office the story because according to that person I was talking to, the Amazon and the post office had an agreement and the post office knew what to do.

Following these hopeful instructions on the next morning before going to work I went to the post office which is fortunately just on the way from my home to the bus stop. I popped in the post office and talked to the people there. They told me that they couldn’t return the item like that, because I had the labels for DHL, that the Amazon call centre supporter said would be ok, but it turned up that the post office cannot take Amazon items with those labels and require a special one done for them...

Ok again (grrrrrrrr) I rang Amazon again, actually from the post office to disclose the truth about that and indeed the post office woman was right and this time the Amazon person said I couldn’t return it like that.. but well I then asked to be sent another proper label (that should have been sent before of course), and the women on the phone (from Amazon) said she would do so.. So I took the trainers back again, home..

Once I got to work I went to see my email expecting a new label but NOOOO... the labels I had got were AGAIN the DHL ones.... OH NOOOO, such a pain coming all over, no one deserves that, like could everyone be so incompetent???? like DHL people incompetent. Amazon people incompetent.. bloody hell, I just wanted to return the bloody trainers and another week was going to pass... Ok...

Breath in, breath out (just as like a friend of mine uses to say :) and call them again.. Explain my ridiculous story once again by the fourth??? time and this time a guy told me to take the bloody packet to the post office, pay myself to post it to Amazon and then ring Amazon to tell them the postage expenses that they would pay me that and he also told me not to use any labels and to send it back to another address different than what I had before.

Ok, it seemed promising then, since I was going to pay there was no reason why the posit office would refuse to take the item, and I saw the light in the end of the tunnel :))) finally I would get rid of the trainers and most important get my money back! That I could then use to buy another pair of trainers to Pedro and give him a present he could wear!

Ok, next morning, this was Friday, so maybe 4 weeks since I had got the shoes and I consequently started trying to get rid of them, I went to the post office, and sent the trainers to Amazon, paid something like 6pounds but I was happy to pay that and didnt even think about getting the money back from Amazon.. I was happy just by solving the whole story !!

And then was Friday and I got to work and the story could just end here, but no!!

On Saturday morning… me and Pedro had slept at my place, since we still haven’t moved out :( we end up staying at mine or his and that night we slept at mine. I woke up earlier than usual for a Saturday morning but it just happened that because we had spent the week looking for our new place I didn’t manage to get much work done so I decided to go work just like in a normal day, so I got to the lab by 10am.

At about 11.30am Pedro rang me (I left him asleep in my room, that he didn’t have to wake up so early), and he rings me with very surprising voice tone and his first saying was "The trainers are just outside your room"!!!!

WOW I was wondering, "which trainers???", I asked, and he said that the box containing THE TRAINERS... those trainers, yes the ones I had just paid 6 pounds to send back to Amazon, the ones that I had just got rid off, and the story had just been finished had just started over again!! Can you believe this.. it was like a curse, apparently I couldn’t get rid of those trainers!!!!
That would be just perfect if they would had fit Pedro at the first place, but instead they took me and even Pedro through a long journey of how to get rid of a pair of shoes and get your money back!!

Ok I couldn’t really believe the shoes were there, I laughed for a while but since I was at work I couldn’t do anything but wait until Monday to go back to the post office and ask why did they send me the trainers, basically why did they send the post to the sender???? How stupid is that??? (there was my address as the sender with a "FROM" before to mention that I was the sender not the destiny!!!, how could someone be so dumb??? like I go to the Beeston post office 1 yard next to my home to pay 6pounds to post something to myself???? it is incredible again the incompetence that I was talking about, so to add another incompetent person to those already officially incompetents from Amazon and specially from DHL!!!)

It was with some calm and relax that I popped in the post office on Monday morning to slightly complain about the mistake done by them. The cashier was a bit ashamed, apologized and took the pack without even asking for the receipt.

A few days later I got an email from Amazon acknowledging the trainers and promising the refunding soon.
In the meantime, I got the money in my account. I bought Pedro an ordinary pair of trainers, Adidas in sale, but of course that was not what I wanted to buy..
Before that I still bought another pair of trainers that were this time, too big for him, so then we went to the shop (but this time it was in a shop ... uffff), and he exchanged them.

I am still looking forward to buying some nice looking trainers eventually with some funny feature like wheels but certainly I am not getting anything like that from Amazon, not anything that it is likely that I am going to return.

And that is a very big story, but it is a story not a little post, is the story of a sad pair of Heelys trainers that were looking for a home but I could’t shelter them, and they insisted to stay and they became my nightmare, they made people arguing, but they made people know each other better, they reinforce the idea about how the world is full of incompetent workers and how that can affect single people's life’s and ultimately the world's economy, in a world wide perspective!

Friends

I cant believe I left a horrible photo on top of my blog for such a long time.. I have been no time at all and not much inspiration too, but since I have got some photos from the time I was in Portugal with my friends (One of my friends just posted me a cd with very nice moments from my christmas holiday in Portugal, where me and my best friends and very much loved boyfriend went to a place called Vila Nova de Mil Fontes. I went there once before for a lunch with my family but didnt much realized how nice it is. And this holiday there, well, just three short days, with these people were so much fun!!! Cant wait to repeat something like that! And thank you for the photos, Margarida :)).

A tribute to my best friends :)

Ilha do Pessegueiro on the Background, Rui, Pedro, Boavida and Motinha.

Ilha do Pessegueiro and the shore

The girls, framed, Joana, Margarida, Raquel and Me.

Me and Pedro running down the dune to the sea

Me, Joana, Boavida, Raquel and Margarida, "The old friends"

Pedro, Boavida and Mota ("the very new friends.. or the boyfriends and the friend")

Two girls and a boy, a threesome and a friend reading the garfield apparently in french, this was waiting time

Me and you, with love:)

New year's

The chocolate eaters

A sight by the sea, cold winterful sea :)

The PhD, The Viva and the house hunting

Has been a while since I wrote my last post and thats a shame coz there has been a lot going on but so much to do then that it has been difficult to update my blog though. From the topic you wonder what is going on I think. Basically all starts and ends up around my PhD busy life that squeezes most of my time, so much to think about, so much to do and read and etc...

And regarding PhD life a week ago I officially finished the very first step of a PhD (in england), passing the first viva checkpoint, just like in a cell cycle one can only progress under proving of success and reliability to get into the next checkpoint. That just happened very fine, got an excellent viva (although I was very scared, because of all that mystery about it, like no one really talks about it and the criteria is not very clear, nothing is written or stated anywhere.. but in the end of the day everyone says that is just very easy, and indeed it is!).

So I am now an official PhD student, in england before the viva exam one is officially and MPhil candidate, and this degree is awarded after the first year with a successful performance, therefore I am now a Master of Philosophy!! The title is a bit funny but oh well... better than my sort of Bsc. (which is actually a bit more than that but not defined, therefore MPhil looks nicer)

So with all that thing with the viva and so my time to write here was shortened, but additionally to that comes the house hunting. That was a hassle and painful thing. Lacking time and patience and still having to look for the house was complicated. Its bloody hard like first looking in the internet for advertisements then calling and booking appointments, dealing with the others' convenient times or going to see the flat and no one shows up or get it cancelled and have to re-book, bla bla bla, go and see, shitty places, crap after crap, bureaucracy, asking things and things, details, bank, letter from the university, bla bla bla, its just crazy. Finally chose one flat, it is nice, I will detail it later because I am still waiting to know whether I can move in since there is those investigations to see whether one is corrupted or so, so I am waiting until that is done. Then will be the moving on, and I cant wait, I am so much anxious to get my own place!

Oh well and thats pretty much everything.

In the meantime there was snow in Nottingham, loads of it, it snowed for 2 or 3 days there were up to 10 cm snow, everything is still covered with snow, there are snowmen everywhere, most are pretty scaring though. I didnt managed to make one, again no time, but I guess there will be more occasions very soon :)

Also, I could have taken a few nice pictures but rather I decided to get a few rubish ones, there you go, a sample:

6 Months smoke free

My post today is really short and I am just writing because I think this deserves attention.

Today is meaningful since it has been 6 months since the last time I smoke a cigarette and I haven't even touched one afterwards. This is a message specially for those who would not believe I was able to quit and to encourage those you may be thinking of stopping being a human chimney :)

I dont think I will ever smoke again and I feel really good now, a lot better at different points, speacially my circulation improved a lot and I dont feel easily tired anymore.

Today is special, I am happy I achieved this goal!

Moving out, new home, new life :)

Its official,

I am now looking for a new home, another nest to live :) hopefully and certainly much better than the one I have.

When I came to Nottingham, the decision about coming and the time I had for moving and settling were very short, therefore I didnt have enough time to plan it and to spend some time looking for houses and/ flats. Everything had to be done quickly. I came here 15 days before I started the project and stayed for 3 short days to find a place to live, that once I would come to start everything would be entirely ready. By that time I wanted to live in town, in Nottingham city centre, but since many people from work suggested Beeston as the best place to live, I just looked for houses around Beeston. Being new here I accepted the suggestion since as you can see on the map I am posting below, the university is far from the centre and being in Beeston is easier to go to the university, but just by walk, because by bus the centre is 10 times better (but I didnt know that). On the minus side Beeston is far from the city and is a little tiny shopping area, with supermarket and other shops but nothing special.

Meanwhile, I end up choosing a 5 bedroom house in Beeston village centre which is where I still live, sharing a house with another 4 people. On that beginning I didnt think I would stay here longer than my original contract, there is 6 months. And that was why I was not very picky because the plan was to stay here temporarily until I would have some more time to look for something more decent.

But it just did not happen before, but now it is time! Finally I am on the way of changing homes, and hopefully close to get my own space, private and specially clean.
I do quite like the location of this house and that was why I did not think about moving straight after my contract was finished but the worst problems about this place are indeed not the place at all but the people inside.

As the only child I am, I am of course deeply spoiled in several ways and I am not used to share things. Also despite me being quite social (when I want to), I am not, when I am at home, I just dont have patience to socialize with the people from the house just because they live here. So I tend to stay inside my room, sometimes I dont even bother not eating not to face anyone and the dirtiness left behind them.. That is the very worst part of this story, people have different concepts of hygiene and cleaning and that is troublesome. I am fed up with most of the things around here and I am so so happy I am moving out soon :)

On the plus plus side, I am gonna have a much better house to welcome my friends visiting and on the plus plus plus plus plus top side, I am going to live with someone I love. Thats just genial! I can wait to see this dream coming true and in a way to start saying good bye to the house where I am still typing this post I leave a map showing where I live, where I want to live and where I work, dont get confused next time you visit me :)