Today I just realized why I am so sick and feeling down.. Can you imagine I have got two opposite wishes!! Just noticed that today.. it is very contradictory and perhaps the source of all this sickness!
Ok, don’t get yourself confused, let me explain:
1. On one hand I wish I would have more time to finish my report, not that the time passed would not be enough but with my inspirational problems I have been stacking a lot and the words hardly and slowly come to my mind. I know what to write but many times don’t have the wisdom to do so. Therefore I am running out of time, need more time, don’t want the time to pass or to do it as slow as possible that I can concentrate and finish this bloody thing, I may say the most difficult report I have ever wrote and trust me, I wrote loads of stuff before!
2. On the other hand I am getting home sick and miss my family and friends very very much. I want the time to fly as quickly as possible the I can can go home for Christmas holidays! Cant wait for the day I put my feet on that plain that will take me back :) not forever, which is not a problem, I am happy here, but for a little while to see my loved ones :):):) I am counting down for that day and very much looking forward!!
So, now you see, I want the time to go slow but I also want it to pass quickly which is absurd and ultimately these two events mutually cancel themselves. It is the same as plus one (+1) minus one (-1) equals zero!
+ time (for the report) = + 1 time
- time (to go home) = -1 time
+1 time - 1time = 0 time
0 (zero) time is what I actually have in my head since I am putting both the same wishes at the same time together. And what becomes a wish is 0 (zero) time, which conversely means I have got no time to live (in my wishes), and that cannot be a wish! That’s very awkward; thereby it is like I do not exist anymore. Combining this idiot deduction with my physical state that actually makes sense. As a matter of fact I am feeling ill and very down, perhaps due to this conflict of inputs in my brain. It is similar to give two opposite orders which obviously cannot exist at the same time. I guess a computer would came out with an ERROR message, I feel I am coming out with an ERROR message too.. Don’t know how to solve this equation differently, dont know how to overcome my wishes because they are both very strong and I cant give up any of them..
I have got a problem.. and probably I have to live with it until both the wishes are fulfilled, basically until the time passes and when the time is gone I will be good again :)
Be patient is probably what I can recommend myself…
To finish I leave you with my soundtrack for today, a bit more of Placebo, quite like these guys! And of course I hope the very end of this story is like in a fairy tail, pink and full of love ;)
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